What do I believe when words and behavior do not match? What is the course of action if an action needs to be taken? We may notice or experience this in another, but this can be an opening or “in” road to realizing our own saying one thing and doing something quite different. If we are noticing it in another, it also exists in ourselves. Let’s begin with a concrete example. Let’s say we are holding ourselves to a high standard of ALWAYS coming from a place of love. Someone we have an interaction with does or says something that feels bad to us. Our mind allows us to excuse the behavior. We believe that to address this on our own behalf and take action would not be either loving or understanding. We excuse it by trying to “understand it” (stand under–stand down) and do not act in a loving way to our self, often to avoid a possible loss. However, we have just incurred the biggest loss we can, which is disconnection from SELF. If it sounds good (all the right words are spoken, but the behavior opposes the words. BELIEVE THE BEHAVIOR! It will lead to a more authentic response in you and keep you loving yourself. You can then extend that love to the world. Check in with you first. Being your authentic self can only be the best for you and them. Perhaps your deeper self “engineered the situation” because it had been trying to get your attention for awhile and you could only see it in a situation outside of yourself. IF IT SOUNDS GOOD BUT FEELS BAD–TRUST THE FEELING. Thoughts ?
June 26, 2009 at 1:07 pm |
what if the behavior shows caring but the words are hurtful and pointed? A concrete example: my husband is going through a tough time at work, some of it is his own making by adding and adding more hours…I believe that there is truly a lot of stress and disrespect…he is discouraged with the fact that people litter and he picks up the street on his walks daily…a friend got mugged in broad daylight and the muggers broke his arm and beat him…his father is getting older and it hurts him to see him unhappy with this.. basically life sucks and then you die attitude.
We went out to eat supper…sat outside…it was a beautiful night..the food was good and I asked him where he was at…there was a quick comment I knew you were going to ask that-psychology major(which I was in college) but I got no response…no conversation. I have e-mailed him and told him that his moods, comments, behaviors have pushed me away but I was bouncing back and wanted to let him know that I cared about him and was there for him…I asked him if there was anything I could do to help and suggewsted he cut back his work load.
anyway-going out to eat together, working for the family is caring and that behavior shows caring but the words when they do come are harsh or there is no communication-what about this? I try to understand -by knowing that he is trying to work through things-so I don’t often challenge this but just shut up and walk away from it but it hurts…what about this?
September 9, 2009 at 1:36 am |
Thoughts become things–what we focus on expands. One negative thought begets another. It is very hard to be with someone who is negative (maybe even depressed) and keep up our own spirits. When someone is negative and hurtful–they can often times be unable to receive comforting words or support. In fact it usually makes them angry and or resentful when it is offered. The vibrations are too far apart. The situation is painful and perhaps it would be best not to offer anything verbally, just hold the space of silence and send him love in your mind. Another thing you can do is when you are falling asleep at night ask (in your mind)to talk to his soul and then tell him everything and anything you want him to know. His soul will inform his heart and his heart will inform his mind in a way he can hear it and you will not have to bear the brunt of his painful words. PROTECT YOUR HEART SWEET LADY.